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Whether you’re single and swiping or in a long-term relationship, you undoubtedly aspire to feel like your partner is “the one,” your soulmate, the person you were always meant to be with. You may even wonder if they’re your twin flame. The buzzy term, which Megan Fox has used to refer to Machine Gun Kelly, is its own distinct concept—different and even more intense than a soulmate.
“Twin flames, according to many theories and teachings, are your other soul half, so when meeting them, there is a strong need to merge with them once again,” explains Mystic Michaela, a celebrity aura reader, psychic medium, and author of The Angel Numbers Book. “However, oftentimes they are deficient in the parts of soul growth you have excelled in and vice versa.” In turn, you could find that the relationship is on again, off again (think: Ross and Rachel, Luke and Lorelai).
Keep reading to learn more about twin flames as well as signs you’ve found yours.
Meet the expert
- Rachel Lang is a psychic medium, astrologer, and author of Modern Day Magic. Stephanie Saari is a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Francisco,
What is a twin flame?
Think about the dreamiest romantic connection you’ve ever had—or dreamed of having. The kind of bond where you and the other person feel like you’re attracted physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Chances are fairly high that a connection like this is a twin flame relationship.
“They are relationships which feel as if they exist on a multidimensional level,” explains Michaela. “They need to be with them, around them and as ‘one’ is a powerful draw. The twin flame relationship feels like pure absolute magic.”
In fact, you will likely move through a “story arc” in this relationship over numerous past lives. And you’re not necessarily meant to be together in each life. “It's a relationship which is not defined by the strict confines of this physical world and short lifetime,” notes Michaela.
The easiest way to think about it is that you feel like you’re two halves of a whole. “It’s possible that souls split to have different experiences in different bodies,” explains astrologer and psychic medium Rachel Lang. “A twin flame is like two halves of the same soul that feel a strong attraction for one another, but the energy is so intense, it can be a challenging relationship.”
And because you’re two halves of the same soul, you may feel like you’re opposites yet very much the same—like two puzzle pieces that only fit with one another. “Where you aren't similar, you end up complementing one another,” says Michaela. “Some refer to this as your soul mirror. They see you in places no one else can.”
And as a result of your twin flame being able to see you so clearly, you can end up feeling more in touch with your own feelings and sense of self, explains Michaela.
Although the twin flame concept is a spiritual versus psychological one, marriage and family therapist Stephanie Saari says she has recently had an increasing number of patients considering whether they found their twin flame. It’s important to point out that the experience is not a fantasy or an entirely perfect one, as some people assume a twin flame relationship should be, says Saari. “Rather, a twin flame’s purpose is personal growth,” she notes.
How do twin flames compare to soulmates?
Initially, it may sound like a twin flame is basically a soulmate by another name, but the two aren’t the same.
“Twin flames are similar to soulmates in that you have known one another many lifetimes,” explains Michaela. “Soulmates also can be pets, family members, friends as well as romantic interests. However, the way I see it, twin flames can only be romantic interests.”
Another difference, perhaps the biggest? “Twin flame relationships rarely work out, whereas soulmates are those who tend to walk through this journey of life with you beginning to end,” she says.
Do you only have one twin flame?
The answer to this question is up for debate. While Michaela believes you only have one twin flame, Lang takes a different view. “It’s not so simple,” she points out. “Our soul is a part of a quantum universe, and we don’t know if we’re having a parallel life, for example. We can also have passionate, emotional, and spiritual connections with one or two people in our lifetime. I try to avoid holding tight to beliefs that limit our soul’s experience regarding relationships. We could inadvertently be denying ourselves opportunities to have more than one spiritually connected relationship that is here for our evolution and growth.”
Are twin flame relationships toxic?
One common misconception about twin flame relationships is that they’re innately unhealthy. While these bonds are intense and transformative, often on again, off again, they’re not toxic, says Michaela.
“While they can be a lot of work, difficult to manage and emotional, they are never abusive,” she says. “Many narcissists and toxic people will attempt to use this spiritual terminology of ‘twin flame’ in order to keep a relationship going via their manipulation.”
Lang agrees, as she’s worked with people who have healthy, supportive twin flame relationships as well as those who confuse unrequited love with these types of bonds. “I’ve seen people get hurt by convincing themselves the relationship is a twin flame,” she says. “Getting ghosted by or having a push-pull dynamic with someone is not a sign you’ve found a twin flame.”
In fact, according to Michaela, a huge clue you’ve had a twin flame relationship is in the affection you still hold for them years after the relationship has ended.
Signs You've Found Your Twin Flame
A few tells that you’ve discovered your twin flame:
You’re going through a transitional moment in your life.
If you feel like you’re at a crossroads in life—on the precipice of a major move, changing careers, taking greater control of your health and wellness — you could be more apt to connect with your twin flame. “Twin flame relationships often come at major transition points in your life,” says Michaela. “The function is for accelerated soul growth, and meeting one another becomes the catalyst for just that.”
They affect you physically.
Sure, there’s the heart-racing and tummy butterflies that come with being initially attracted to someone, but if you have a “sense of lightheadedness when you’re around them,” consistently, this could be a sign they’re your twin flame, says Michaela.
Although being able to effectively communicate is a must in any successful relationship, there’s something to be said for being on the same page without even having to say the words out loud, and that’s often the case for twin flames.
“You will notice your telepathic communication is strong, and you can even share dreams,” points out Michaela. “Long after the relationship ends, you will always have a telepathic ability to communicate.”
You have eyebrow-raising commonalities.
To be fair, it’s not unusual to be drawn to someone who reminds you of loved ones or whose experience reflects your own. You might look for a partner who has a similar sense of humor to one of your parents or who grew up in a suburb like you did. But when you find you are having inexplicable synchronicities with someone, they may be your twin flame, explains Michaela.
“You may share a birthday with their sister, or they grew up in the town your grandfather was from,” she notes. “Often, you’ll see repeated numbers, signs and symbols surrounding you while with your twin flame and when you are thinking of them.”
You feel heard, seen, and understood by them in a way you never have before.
Not only will you hit it off with your twin flame right off the bat, but you’ll feel like you can be entirely yourself around them—for better or worse. “They bring up very difficult shadows in your own life, and you do as well to them,” explains Michaela. “Looking closely at yourself is part of a twin flame relationship, as in this dancing of flames you cannot hide anything from the other.”
Being able to be so transparent can prove truly empowering. “Often it's a sense of feeling heard, seen and understood in a new, intense and meaningful way,” says Michaela. “In the best case, a twin flame can be a support that allows you to live up to your full potential in your individual life. It's a connection that can lead to self-awareness and a new awakening through facing challenges together.”